“Don’t chat with me. I hate that thing.” The Internet allows everyone to be pleasant and charming all the time. She also liked Pee Wee Herman. Hi, I’ve only got a vague idea what the chat thing is. It’s a type of preparation of a baby radish, right? Or it’s a type of herbal drink that Fijian […]

I have no idea what other people write to each other on dating sites. This woman gave a hint as to the offers she receives. Hi, Do people message you to pose for an art project? The Internet is creepy. I’ve not been featured on America’s Most Wanted, but I do hold out hope for […]

She doesn’t like baseball, can charm a customs agent and schedules time to eat cookies. Hi, With only an estimated 97.5 years on the planet you should not be wasting any time of it on baseball. I watched a game once when I was 12. It ended when I was… shit, I don’t think it […]

People that stress out over consumption of delicious things worry me. I wrote this when it was raining for 37 days straight. Hi, Don’t waste your time on rationalizations for more dessert and wine. More is better than less. Always. Except on Tuesdays. Tuesday make everything wrong. Or is it Wednesdays? I’d write more but […]

She wrote that she was apparently hanging around NYC. Hi, What’s not apparent about hanging around NYC? Or are you not actually do such things or lack of things as hanging out would consist of? Are you really just one of those people from Kyrgyzstan that send me strange messages on this thing? Am I […]