She had a long list of questions that should all be answered in the affirmative before contacting her. And she is not a fan of Kerouac, worries about zombies and wants to learn how to pick locks. Hi, I hate On the Road. The Beats needed to be beaten with something that would have stopped […]

She said she liked dogs and Cuba. Hi, Why are all dogs in Havana dressed in button down shirts? I noticed this when I was there about 12 years ago. On every corner was a tiny dog wearing a freshly pressed shirt. When I’d line up to take a picture the dogs would shift a […]

This girl mentioned that you’d should tell her the first thing you notice about her. Hi, I guess the first thing I notice about you is your brevity when it comes to words. That and your almost religious avoidance of capital letters. I get it. Capital letters are a bunch of assholes lording over those […]

She mentioned that she has a government job. She got it by accident. Hi, How do you accidentally get into a city government job? Was the line at the DMV so long that you invented a new queuing system? Did you have mountainous library fines that the only way to pay off your debt was […]

She studies medicine, likes live music and has a sense of humor. Howdy, I was thinking about studying medicine but stethoscopes make me look fat. I’m impressed that I wrote stethoscope without the squiggly line of shame appearing under it. What shows have you been to lately? I keep finding that headliners are disappointing but […]